Murder in Mauraudon
Featuring: Napthara Firestarter and Rhantanahhn Muravine Note: The characters in this story are real and not made up in any way. Please, keep your drahma for your mama in future I mean it man! It's a bad idea! ----- Rhane and Napth were hanging out on the salt flats watching the races one Saturday afternoon, when suddenly Rhane heard the call. "Hi, sorry to bother you, I'm spacecadet. Lovelybones and I were thinking about heading to Maradon in the Desolace. We could use a tank, would you like to come?" Rhane crossed her eyes, concentrated in the bizarre fashion required for lengthy intercontinental conversations and said "You want a mage along with you? Cause I'm hanging out with my main gnome Napthara, and we usually come as a set." "OMG a nuke cool, see you at Ironforge!" was the reply. Rhane turned to her partner, and gave her the news. 10 minutes later, thanks to the everyday magic of hearthstones and Shattrath portals, they were standing in front of the Ironforge bank, confronted by a pair of Draneai. The male, a shaman, was wearing the garments typically associated with members of the Scarlet Crusade, an organization that would rather kill him than accept him into their ranks. The female was clad in fine cloth robes, nothing to impressive. The female looked Napth and Rhanet over and immediately whined "OMG, we can't do this, we need another" "Just ask around", countered Rhanet, none to impressed herself. "Butttttt." "You Wanna go to Mara or not? I could have stayed in the flats watching Rainbow Smythe-Jones race." The male raised his hand to forestall the impending argument. A moment later, a lanky male night elf with a roguish grin sauntered out of the bank and joined the group. "Hi I'm Spi.. he managed, before the Draenei priestess piped up, "You, go with Space to the dungeon, we will wait." Rhane looked askance at Napth. While its a theoretical possibility to do it that way, most groups they had joined didn't. "I think I've gotten us into something bad" Rhane whispered to Napth. It certainly seemed so. Despite having started out the day a short Hippogriff hop from Sesolace, they were waiting, on the other side of the world, for an uncomunitive shaman and a rouge to summon them and a petulant priest to their doom. As proud members of the Lolcat Brgud they attempted to break the ice. The jokes fell flat. Finally the meeting stone was activated, and the party assembled outside the infamous demon haunted depths "Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and girls" declaimed Rhane, "Killin time is here!" Spittle nodded enthusiastically, as did Napth, but the other two just stood there apathetically. Taking her role as point woman seriously, Rhane kicked in the door. Things seemed initially ok, although Spittle was a bit enthusiastic, charging off the side of a bridge in order to engage some enemies. After a little crashing around, the band of intrepid adventurers found an entrance into the deep, dark depths. Instead of going in the normal way, Lovelybones had lead the party to a "shortcut" Without waiting to even come up with a plan, she and Space Cadet dived in, leaving the other three to follow as best they could. Almost immediately things began to go wrong. Spittle attempted to recon. Space and Bones went charging after him, convinced that the monsters would spot the stealthy rogue. The party was caught unawares between two hydras, and in the ensuing carnage, both Napth and Bones were ground into the watery cavern's floor. No sooner had Space brought them back from the dead, then the female Draenai started up with a litany of complaints. Spittle was too enthusiastic, his foolishness had caused her early demise, and that she insisted that she be given the first pick of the loot to compensate for the damage to her pretty clothing. In order to shut her up, Rhane suggested that Space actually do his job as party leader. Rather than do so, Space promoted Rhane to the job instead. Rhane plotted an efficient course and called the targets, which were isolated and picked off once by one. The party began to penetrate deeper into the caverns. The larger monsters began also dropping substantial loot. The first bone of contention came up over a metal plated belt. Despite having no obvious use for it Lovelybones declared she needed it. Rhane, her own plated belt in dire need of replacement, also called need. The resulting dice game awarded the belt to Rhane, who immediately put it on. This didn't suit lazybones at all. "Omg" She whined, "Why did you roll need on that belt?" "Because it's twice as thick as my old belt, and will make your job substantially easier." was Rhane's reply. Lazybones was petulantly silent for 10 minutes. The party went through a pile of elementals, stopping once to resurrect Napth who died attempting to frost nova a pile of lesser elementals that Bones had blundered into. Finally they came across a junction full of slimes. "I won't be able to occupy all their attention", warned Rhane. Spittle nodded. "I'll get the other half." Rhane indicated a division, and charged her picked targets. Spittle charged his. Space Cadet charged into the middle and began flailing ineffectually left and right all over the place with his dagger. Bones immediately began healing her fellow Draenai to the exclusion of all others. The battle plan out the window, Napth valiantly charged forward and began throwing frost novas and blizzards in a vein attempt to control the 10 or so angry blobs. Her diminutive form was soon covered in slime, and stopped moving. In a frenzy, Rahne screamed a challenge to the remaining ones and called for a last stand. Rather than support her valiant efforts, Bones was resurrecting the shaman dead from his own idiocy. Rhane went down in a heap, overwhelmed by green goo. Once Spittle dealt with the remaining slimes, the shaman resurrected Rhane. Rather than assist the equally domed Napth, however, Bones immediately began complaining, both about some phenomenon she described as lag, and the ineptness of Spittle. Napth had to wait on Spacecadet to do for her as well, because for the next three minutes Bones would spend her time either bitching out Spittle, or boasting about her legions of "heal fanboys" instead of doing her job. Rhane looked askance at Spittle "I don't know this idiot from a bar of soap" she whispered to the Elven rouge. "That's good, cause she is really starting to annoy me" he whispered back. The party continued up around the corner, to come face to face with more slimes. Space screamed the incoherent phrase "magekitepls" and began dropping totems left, right and center. Apparently not understanding the delay between a fire mage nominating a target and the earth shattering kaboom, he lead a stream of the things into Napth, who ended up dead again. Realizing that any encounter with a group of enemies would almost certainly lead to the party's demise, Rhane lead the group through a torturous course, stopping to pick of individual enemies, and earning even more glares from the Draenai priest when she won a dice game for an amulet that provided for an increase in strength and dexterity. "I guess she is farming for a sibling or something", Rhane whispered to Spittle, who had been graciously choosing to pass on loot he had no need for. Eventually the party arrived at their destination, the underground lair of a Satyr lord, when all hell broke loose. "So you think i a pain do you spit?", asked Bones in her broken common. Rhane had noticed spittle whispering in Space's ear, but hadn't realized that Space had gone and tattled everything to bones. Apparently racial commonality and arguing were more important than killing the sentiments they had been tasked to slay, because all during the fight Spittle and Bones were busy screaming at each other. Finally standing over the corpse of her vanquished foe, Rhane could take it no longer, and demanded "Are we here to fight monsters, or act like kids in the orphanage?" Things quieted down for a bit, but then immediately flared up again. Apparently Bones had been complaining to one of her fanboys, who immediately started yelling in spittle's ear despite geographical separation. Rhane looked at Napth, Napth looked at Rhane "Shut up kids and put the epeen away!" demanded Napth. "Or you'll loose your nuke and your tank", added Rhane. Bones immediately started complaining about lag again, and lead the party into an epic fight against a horde of elementals. After Space Cadet picked the mangled remains off the floor and imbued them with life, Rather than deal with the leftover monsters, the two began squabbling again. Rhane and Napth had had enough. "Fvxx you" Screamed Rhane, giving the traditional Darnassian death curse. She and Napth pulled their hearthstones form their bags and vanished into the ether. Spittle quickly followed, offering apologies and compensation for time and expenses. Spacecadet and Lovelybones were never heard from again. They are currently listed as missing, but those who were there know the truth. They were murdered in Maraudon, by their own incompetence and arrogance. Category:Stories Category:Articles by Rantinan